The clock methodically marches on. The days start the same with every sunrise, the sly glow of the mornings seems to creep over the horizon quicker and quicker. The alarm clock gets louder and louder, you don’t need it, you have been in and out of consciousness all night; feeding hungry babies, turning out bedroom lights, kissing foreheads, adjusting the air so no one gets to hot or cold. You hear a squeak as the upstairs floors give way to tiny feet trying to make their way to the bathroom, you count the steps back to the bed and scurry upstairs to make sure everything is well. You lay back down and release a sigh; your body screams for rest while your mind plays bumper cars with the day. You wonder how the day looked in the eyes of that child. The one you were harsh with, the one who seemed to fall under the radar, the one who you excused away for sake of responsibilities. Your mind bumps together with all the mistakes made throughout that day. The moments that you weren’t your best and maybe even some where you were. “Is it enough?” you wonder under your breath as you try to shut your eyes once more.
Is it enough?
Are the scattered pieces of mercy enough to teach them to be merciful? I come to the conclusion it’s not enough—“I need to show more mercy…” I agree with myself as I made a solemn declaration that the next day will be filled with more mercy. Mercy in the madness; that’s what we need I sigh.
But what if that’s not enough? what if I slip…allowing my emotion to highlight the moment? What if I react out of the shame and guilt I feel for being home while my husband dredges into work? (All the while knowing I would feel guilt if I had to leave them too- the battle of motherhood is a catch 22). What if I snap under the weight of so many demands? What if in the moment of distraction I choose the lesser and push away the most pressing need that camouflages in horseback rides, tea parties, one on one and playing games? What if mercy is swept up into the bin of duty?
What happens when our emotions highjack the day and we are left with the toxic fumes of our instability?
Mercy happens….even for us. Even for those who overacted over the spilt soda and crushed pop tarts. Even for those whose tongue is much to loose and for those who cling to tightly to control.
We expect to much of ourselves. We label ourselves as “failures” and “useless” as the tide of emotions pulls us in headfirst. . Its a dangerous place to be; pulled by emotions relentless tide. It sucks us in and swallows us up. But maybe you need to know, like I did today, there is a Life Saver who can pull us from the cyclone of emotion; Jesus.
“Let us then, draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16
Maybe like me, you have drew near alright…drew closer and closer to the tyrant of emotion; feeding the beast. We pet those out of control emotions, feeding them what they crave, all the while they grow stronger and stronger, until one day they turn on us-devouring not only us…but those around us as well. Our emotions have attacked us, but they didn’t stop there they lashed out on those closest to us.
When emotions rule devastation follows.
The throne represents God’s presence, His power and His potency. It is secured on His omnipresence and exerted by His love. When we draw to the throne of grace instead of the throne of emotions, we will find mercy. God is much more forgiving than our emotions are. They hold us prisoner to their whims, giving an inch and taking a mile. The undercover rule of emotion can erupt at any moment, the slightest upheaval of convenience sends the monster into a maddened rage, condemning all who are in the way. Not so with God, instead of the tsunami of guilt the throne brings one of grace.
The throne is also an illustration to the mercy seat.In the the Old Testament, sacrifices had to be made for the appeasement of righteousness. In the tent of meeting, deep within, the Glory of God dwelled on the cover of the Ark of the Covenant, the mercy seat. Here the high priest would make atonement for Israel once a year by sprinkling the blood of the sacrifice between the cherubs outstretched wings. Here is where sacrifice collided with mercy: “But when Christ appeared as a high priest of good things, then through the greater more perfect tent (not made of hands, not of this creation) he entered once and for all into the holy places, not by the means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption.” Hebrews 9:11-12, and as a result “we have mercy and find grace in our time of need.”.
The throne of grace transfers the grace and mercy of Christ to those moments when our strength is zapped and our hearts are cold. When we “draw near” we find mercy in the madness.